Archive for January, 2010

This time of year, two things loom large: tax season, and Valentine’s day. I personally loathe v-day, and find it ridiculously unrealistic to whittle down affection, lust, and commitment to one day. Not to mention that the same roses I buy for myself at $8/dozen is suddenly $18. However, there is one aspect of the day I do love: The excuse to buy lingerie.

Mr. BlackSexxx was kind enough to allow me to share my love for all things lacy (and some things leather) for the upcoming holiday, and include some tips for buying lingerie – for yourself or for a lucky recipient. It’s unfortunate that lingerie has gotten a bad rap: at best, unnecessary and silly, and at worst, complicated and…unnecessary. It needn’t be any of that; you only need to remember a few points: easy as ABC (and D).

Simple, non?

Point A: Always buy what Fits.
There is no one size fits all when it comes to lingerie. Everyone’s taste isn’t the same, and neither are panty/bra/chemise/basque/stocking sizes.

Quick-and dirty – The number is the band size (the part that goes around the ribcage); the letter is the cup size (where the breast actually goes. Most panties run generally xxs – xxl, and everywhere in between; most are roughly equivalent to ranges of clothing sizes, as are chemises and slips. Stockings usually are sized according to height/weight measurement charts. Basques (merrywidows) are usually sized similarly to bras, but may require hip and waist measurements as well. Corsets may be above or under the bust, and as they are technically for compression, require very specific waist, bust, and hip measurements.

If you’re buying for yourself, get fitted. Department stores and specialty shops are excellent for this. If you’re buying for someone else, the best way to find out their size is to look (if you’re buying lingerie, you need to know her at least well enough to have access to her lingerie drawer). Look for the bra that is the most worn, or the one she’s said is her favorite – check the tag for the size, and possibly the manufacturer. Go from there.

Point B: Don’t bother with Victoria’s Secret.

Ladies and gentlemen,Victoria’s Secret is the Wal-Mart of Lingerie. Sure they’re everywhere, they have attractive commercials, but when you get to the store there’s only nad lighting, unorganized racks ,inexperienced, surly staff that are never around when you need them and unhelpful when they do show up. And if you need something out of the ordinary (say, a smaller band than 32, a larger cup than dd, or a plus size?), you’ll be told in no uncertain (usually rude) terms that you are in the wrong place. You might think you’re getting a deal but you really aren’t. A department store or store that specializes in lingerie are far better starting points. With VS, the only secret is that you’re paying for the marketing. When those commercials ask “What Is Sexy?” they’re banking on what you’ll say the answer is: and it’s not the one you’re buying that bra-and-panty set for.

Which brings me to Point C: Beauty and Practicality Needn’t Be Mutually Exclusive.

William Morris, 19th century designer and writer famously said “Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful”. I have held this true in my lingerie dresser if nowhere else, with the following change: I replace the ‘or’ with ‘and’. Otherwise, It’s like saying you can be smart or pretty, but not both (and if you think that’s true, go watch an Angela Basset, Aisha Tyler or Jill Scott interview and get back to me). When buying something that’s going to be next to your skin, why make it something she can’t wear more than once, or endure for more than a few minutes? Yes, there is certainly a place for things that never see the outside of the bedroom (or living room, you naughty thing!), but there’s a certain frisson one gets from having something pretty underneath conventional clothing. Even if it’s just a matching set. Yes, I know everyday underwear is a must, and it’s flesh-toned so it won’t show under clothes. But that doesn’t mean it has to be boring: Chantelle, Calvin Klein, Warner’s, and Fantasie make everyday items that look just as good when you take your clothes off. Slips can be used to hide VPL, keep you a little warmer, but also have a nice slide against the skin under a work dress. Balconette Bras provide uplift and support but are also a nice reminder that you’re still gorgeous under that cardigan (which may or may not have a stain on it).

Yes, I said gorgeous.

Confidence.

A lot of women avoid “lingerie” because they think it’s what ‘other’ women wear. Sexy women. Slutty women. Women with plenty of time on their hands. Women under a certain age, or under a certain weight. Single Women. Married Women. I.E. Not them.

Pardonnez-moi, mais Bullshit.

Everybody’s got assets. Big ass: Show those curves in boyshorts. Small boobs? show them off in a barely-there triangle bra. Big thighs? filmy slips that hint at the pleasures to be had between them. Forget about ‘hiding flaws’. Lingerie isn’t for apologizing. Find what works for you and return the sentiment.

To all the fellas out there please pay attention to this part of the lesson. The majority of men go horribly wrong with this part of purchasing nice underthings for your lady. If you don’t keep her body (and what you love about it) in mind, you’ll end up disappointing yourself and embarrassing her.

Think of it as a love letter (or a sexy text) she can wear: when she opens it, what delicious things can she tell you’ve been thinking of? And yes, feel free to elaborate on just that when you’re taking it off her (or leaving it on).

Sexiness, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. You don’t allow the media or everyone else to tell you what to think or want in every other aspect, why this? How about deciding for yourself? Sexy needn’t be all about long, straight hair and waifish body. It doesn’t even need to be about black lace and sheer (not that there’s anything wrong with that). A soft tank top, boyshorts, or a t-shirt and a pair of thigh- or knee- high socks can be just as sexy as a pair of heels and a teddy. When you’re in front of your lover, or yourself in the mirror? Prince’s “Sexy MF” should be the song in your head, not “I wish.”

Part of the fun of lingerie is discovery: revealing something your partner – or you- finds alluring, and finding out something you maybe didn’t realize could be sexy. Don’t believe me? Try it. Especially if it’s out of your (or your lover’s) usual milieu. Usually in silks? Try cotton, or even leather. Perpetually in boyshorts? A thong could change things in more ways than one around your bottom line. Forget what the media has told you about what you should be wearing or ‘what is sexy’. Real sex isn’t about what other people dictate – it’s about sharing and fulfilling your desires. True sensuality isn’t what someone told you feels good; it’s what you enjoy- with your partner or without.

Last thing AKA Point D: Don’t Limit Yourself.

Lingerie is no more only silk and satin than sexuality is intercourse. Body jewelry, edible honey dust, paintable chocolate, a pair of wicked shoes or boots, stockings, blindfolds, silk ribbon — all can be worn in various ways and are limited only by your imagination and will to play.

Click on the Lingerie Links Below to find something of your (or your mates) liking.

Department and Larger Selection Lingerie Stores:
Nordstrom
Macy’s
Bare Necessities
Her Room
Fig Leaves
Sleepy Heads

Specialty
Intimacy (Well-Known Bra Boutique)
Bravissimo (Features Larger Cup Sizes)
Hips and Curves (Features Plus Sizes)
Oola Lingerie (Bras in Larger Sizes)
Betsey Johnson (Carries Straight and Plus Sizes)
Mary Green (Silk Underthings For Men and Women)

Indulgences:
Agent Provocateur
Coco de Mer
Kiki De Montparnasse
Glamorous Amorous

Popularity: 10% [?]

So with all the things that are going on with Sex and Sexuality I can’t keep up with it all. And thanks to many of my female readers, I knew I had to add a “better half” to Blog so that all views are covered.

With that in mind I asked, Alice Sturdivant a frequent commenter to this blog to give us some of her views as it pertain to Sex and Sexuality for us People of Color.

I hope that you guys will treat Alice with the respect a woman of her stature deserves.

Popularity: 9% [?]

Okay I needed this to be its own separate post because I wanted to talk to my followers directly. I try to follow a number of Stars and Starlets in the Adult Film Game but I must at admit that since the summer when I discovered Jayla Starr and Melody Nakai six months ago I haven’t heard anything about new starlets working.

I keep up on trends but for the life of me it seems that I haven’t heard anything new in regards to Porn and its stars. It seems like all the news of Black Porn has dried up … I’m dumbfounded that there hasn’t been any info since the Summer.

This just cannot be as I’m sure that Ebony Porn did not just dry up.

So I ask you my followers Who’s or What’s New In Porn That I Need To Keep Up On?

Popularity: 13% [?]

I was on the internet trolling when I saw the following pictures posted on a friends site.

Here’s a picture of the whole group of models.

The models were from a group featured in V Magazine’s “Size Issue” which is due on stands January 14th.

I hope it’s celebrated but I’m sure its seen as an oddity. Remember this is the fashion world where one of its members said: “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”

Sorry Kate Moss but not eating to look like a 12 year old boy is not what I considered sexy. These women are comfortable in their own skin and nothing is more sexy than confidence.

Of course MeMe Roth and the rest of her fat hating crew will probably bash this issue and say that the models are thisclose to dying. Again these women are closer to real women than what the fashion industry tries to push down folks thoughts.

So any thoughts on the pictures or the models? Hit me up at the contacts or comments section

Popularity: 10% [?]