I came across this video sometime last week but just now got to posting it. Basically Nightline came out and said the story that has been floating around for a minute: Porn Is Losing Money.

*Gasp*

I’ve mentioned this several times on this site. You can’t continue to try to make money using the same old tactics from 20 years ago. Porn is using the same tactics of the MPAA to bully the people they wish to be consumers. Steve Orenstein, the president of Wicked Pictures frequently comes out against Tube sites saying that they are costing him money but I’ve seen his films and they seem quite boring.

Would it kill him to sign some more women of color to his exclusive stable?

Another thing I caught from the report was the fact that a new appliance that allows you to watch Porn in a totally new way. Called the RealTouch, its a masterbator appliance that when plugged into a computer matches the movements of a Porn movie you are watching. Sounds nice but I’m still hung up on the price. It’s $199.99 for the appliance but it can only sync up with special movies which has a per minute price. That sounds that can be pricey if you watch a lot of porn.

I don’t know about you but this isn’t going to get me to buy porn.

What will you ask? That’s a whole other posting.

Peep the video below.

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We here at BlackSexxxology are big fans of Jazmine Cashmere and while monitoring my website I noticed that traffic for the week had an unusual spike. I was stymied about the reason until I got on the web and found out some news from a number of Gossip sites.

It seems that Jaz is with child. Reports from several sites have said that a very famous NY Rapper is the father of the baby. There’s two schools of thought that says its either Jay-Z or Lil’ Wayne. (If its Wayne I need for him not to even stand next to any woman I know because he just breaths on women and get them pregnant).

So far though no real rapper is claiming the child and Jasmine is not saying anything either (It’s here private life and she doesn’t have too) However when it comes to rappers and Sex, no one is going to come out to say they are the father unless they get on Maury to do it.

Reading the comments on several on the sites basically they are calling Jazmine everything but a dirty whore who is filled with every type of disease known to man and she is going to be a terrible mother. If I can remember, I’m sure that Jaz is already a single mother who didn’t have any “problems” until this one.

Its obvious from the pictures, that she is happy and she made the decision to keep the baby. Why does everyone have to stand in front of folk wagging their fingers looking down on people just because they can?

Remember what happen when Pinky was supposedly was pregnant with the Rapper Twista’s baby. He put out at least two press releases distancing himself from the porn star faster than Usain Bolt.

Then I thought about it deeper. We have several Porn Star/Rocker couplings and you can’t throw a rock into the Playboy Mansion without hitting a Playmate and Actor mated in some capacity. Hell one of the biggest porn stars is married to Tito Ortiz and seemingly happy.

When was the last time you ever heard a famous Rapper connected with an equally famous Porn Star? I can’t remember it ever happen or if it will happen.

So why doesn’t that hook up ever happen?

Just a thought.

Congratulations Jaz.

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This time of year, two things loom large: tax season, and Valentine’s day. I personally loathe v-day, and find it ridiculously unrealistic to whittle down affection, lust, and commitment to one day. Not to mention that the same roses I buy for myself at $8/dozen is suddenly $18. However, there is one aspect of the day I do love: The excuse to buy lingerie.

Mr. BlackSexxx was kind enough to allow me to share my love for all things lacy (and some things leather) for the upcoming holiday, and include some tips for buying lingerie – for yourself or for a lucky recipient. It’s unfortunate that lingerie has gotten a bad rap: at best, unnecessary and silly, and at worst, complicated and…unnecessary. It needn’t be any of that; you only need to remember a few points: easy as ABC (and D).

Simple, non?

Point A: Always buy what Fits.
There is no one size fits all when it comes to lingerie. Everyone’s taste isn’t the same, and neither are panty/bra/chemise/basque/stocking sizes.

Quick-and dirty – The number is the band size (the part that goes around the ribcage); the letter is the cup size (where the breast actually goes. Most panties run generally xxs – xxl, and everywhere in between; most are roughly equivalent to ranges of clothing sizes, as are chemises and slips. Stockings usually are sized according to height/weight measurement charts. Basques (merrywidows) are usually sized similarly to bras, but may require hip and waist measurements as well. Corsets may be above or under the bust, and as they are technically for compression, require very specific waist, bust, and hip measurements.

If you’re buying for yourself, get fitted. Department stores and specialty shops are excellent for this. If you’re buying for someone else, the best way to find out their size is to look (if you’re buying lingerie, you need to know her at least well enough to have access to her lingerie drawer). Look for the bra that is the most worn, or the one she’s said is her favorite – check the tag for the size, and possibly the manufacturer. Go from there.

Point B: Don’t bother with Victoria’s Secret.

Ladies and gentlemen,Victoria’s Secret is the Wal-Mart of Lingerie. Sure they’re everywhere, they have attractive commercials, but when you get to the store there’s only nad lighting, unorganized racks ,inexperienced, surly staff that are never around when you need them and unhelpful when they do show up. And if you need something out of the ordinary (say, a smaller band than 32, a larger cup than dd, or a plus size?), you’ll be told in no uncertain (usually rude) terms that you are in the wrong place. You might think you’re getting a deal but you really aren’t. A department store or store that specializes in lingerie are far better starting points. With VS, the only secret is that you’re paying for the marketing. When those commercials ask “What Is Sexy?” they’re banking on what you’ll say the answer is: and it’s not the one you’re buying that bra-and-panty set for.

Which brings me to Point C: Beauty and Practicality Needn’t Be Mutually Exclusive.

William Morris, 19th century designer and writer famously said “Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful”. I have held this true in my lingerie dresser if nowhere else, with the following change: I replace the ‘or’ with ‘and’. Otherwise, It’s like saying you can be smart or pretty, but not both (and if you think that’s true, go watch an Angela Basset, Aisha Tyler or Jill Scott interview and get back to me). When buying something that’s going to be next to your skin, why make it something she can’t wear more than once, or endure for more than a few minutes? Yes, there is certainly a place for things that never see the outside of the bedroom (or living room, you naughty thing!), but there’s a certain frisson one gets from having something pretty underneath conventional clothing. Even if it’s just a matching set. Yes, I know everyday underwear is a must, and it’s flesh-toned so it won’t show under clothes. But that doesn’t mean it has to be boring: Chantelle, Calvin Klein, Warner’s, and Fantasie make everyday items that look just as good when you take your clothes off. Slips can be used to hide VPL, keep you a little warmer, but also have a nice slide against the skin under a work dress. Balconette Bras provide uplift and support but are also a nice reminder that you’re still gorgeous under that cardigan (which may or may not have a stain on it).

Yes, I said gorgeous.

Confidence.

A lot of women avoid “lingerie” because they think it’s what ‘other’ women wear. Sexy women. Slutty women. Women with plenty of time on their hands. Women under a certain age, or under a certain weight. Single Women. Married Women. I.E. Not them.

Pardonnez-moi, mais Bullshit.

Everybody’s got assets. Big ass: Show those curves in boyshorts. Small boobs? show them off in a barely-there triangle bra. Big thighs? filmy slips that hint at the pleasures to be had between them. Forget about ‘hiding flaws’. Lingerie isn’t for apologizing. Find what works for you and return the sentiment.

To all the fellas out there please pay attention to this part of the lesson. The majority of men go horribly wrong with this part of purchasing nice underthings for your lady. If you don’t keep her body (and what you love about it) in mind, you’ll end up disappointing yourself and embarrassing her.

Think of it as a love letter (or a sexy text) she can wear: when she opens it, what delicious things can she tell you’ve been thinking of? And yes, feel free to elaborate on just that when you’re taking it off her (or leaving it on).

Sexiness, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. You don’t allow the media or everyone else to tell you what to think or want in every other aspect, why this? How about deciding for yourself? Sexy needn’t be all about long, straight hair and waifish body. It doesn’t even need to be about black lace and sheer (not that there’s anything wrong with that). A soft tank top, boyshorts, or a t-shirt and a pair of thigh- or knee- high socks can be just as sexy as a pair of heels and a teddy. When you’re in front of your lover, or yourself in the mirror? Prince’s “Sexy MF” should be the song in your head, not “I wish.”

Part of the fun of lingerie is discovery: revealing something your partner – or you- finds alluring, and finding out something you maybe didn’t realize could be sexy. Don’t believe me? Try it. Especially if it’s out of your (or your lover’s) usual milieu. Usually in silks? Try cotton, or even leather. Perpetually in boyshorts? A thong could change things in more ways than one around your bottom line. Forget what the media has told you about what you should be wearing or ‘what is sexy’. Real sex isn’t about what other people dictate – it’s about sharing and fulfilling your desires. True sensuality isn’t what someone told you feels good; it’s what you enjoy- with your partner or without.

Last thing AKA Point D: Don’t Limit Yourself.

Lingerie is no more only silk and satin than sexuality is intercourse. Body jewelry, edible honey dust, paintable chocolate, a pair of wicked shoes or boots, stockings, blindfolds, silk ribbon — all can be worn in various ways and are limited only by your imagination and will to play.

Click on the Lingerie Links Below to find something of your (or your mates) liking.

Department and Larger Selection Lingerie Stores:
Nordstrom
Macy’s
Bare Necessities
Her Room
Fig Leaves
Sleepy Heads

Specialty
Intimacy (Well-Known Bra Boutique)
Bravissimo (Features Larger Cup Sizes)
Hips and Curves (Features Plus Sizes)
Oola Lingerie (Bras in Larger Sizes)
Betsey Johnson (Carries Straight and Plus Sizes)
Mary Green (Silk Underthings For Men and Women)

Indulgences:
Agent Provocateur
Coco de Mer
Kiki De Montparnasse
Glamorous Amorous

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So with all the things that are going on with Sex and Sexuality I can’t keep up with it all. And thanks to many of my female readers, I knew I had to add a “better half” to Blog so that all views are covered.

With that in mind I asked, Alice Sturdivant a frequent commenter to this blog to give us some of her views as it pertain to Sex and Sexuality for us People of Color.

I hope that you guys will treat Alice with the respect a woman of her stature deserves.

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Okay I needed this to be its own separate post because I wanted to talk to my followers directly. I try to follow a number of Stars and Starlets in the Adult Film Game but I must at admit that since the summer when I discovered Jayla Starr and Melody Nakai six months ago I haven’t heard anything about new starlets working.

I keep up on trends but for the life of me it seems that I haven’t heard anything new in regards to Porn and its stars. It seems like all the news of Black Porn has dried up … I’m dumbfounded that there hasn’t been any info since the Summer.

This just cannot be as I’m sure that Ebony Porn did not just dry up.

So I ask you my followers Who’s or What’s New In Porn That I Need To Keep Up On?

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I was on the internet trolling when I saw the following pictures posted on a friends site.

Here’s a picture of the whole group of models.

The models were from a group featured in V Magazine’s “Size Issue” which is due on stands January 14th.

I hope it’s celebrated but I’m sure its seen as an oddity. Remember this is the fashion world where one of its members said: “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”

Sorry Kate Moss but not eating to look like a 12 year old boy is not what I considered sexy. These women are comfortable in their own skin and nothing is more sexy than confidence.

Of course MeMe Roth and the rest of her fat hating crew will probably bash this issue and say that the models are thisclose to dying. Again these women are closer to real women than what the fashion industry tries to push down folks thoughts.

So any thoughts on the pictures or the models? Hit me up at the contacts or comments section

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So the other day I wrote an Open Letter to the Black Woman in the hopes of opening a dialogue to get back to the way we used to be in relationships. Of course my friend The Director, from the NYC, issued her own response. I decided to post it here:

Hello Blackman,

It’s been a while since I saw you last. Don’t know where you been. Just wondering. Just hoping. Just praying, you alright. Cause it seems lately, that you ain’t.

I remember, yes, I know I do – when my heart used to quicken in a pace just being around you. We used to slow dance without any music. Just staring into each other eyes. I got lost in yours. And you got lost in mine. We had some wonderful, lovely times, didn’t we? I used to wait for your call, wanting to know when we could see each other again. And man, when we did see each other, all I could do smile. My soul used to smile. My face hurt from smiling so much. You made me smile. I heard love songs in your laughter. The dreams in the breathe you spoke. I had so much love and hope for you. For us.

What happened?

As I sit here and wonder why you don’t talk to me no more, why you don’t trust me no more and got this message in my head from your actions saying we ain’t the right fit. Who told you that? I got this conflicting message from my church that you’re supposed to me lead me in our personal relationships. What relationships? You’re not talking to me. Instead, you’re calling me names. You look so proud to have another woman who doesn’t look like me on your arm. You’re using me for sex to cure some loneliness you got. But beautiful, sensitive, Blackman, I want you. I need you. If you want me to say it, then yeah, there it is. I love you.

I’ve tried to dis’ you and say you ain’t nothing. But nothing could be further from the truth. I needed you during the times I was beaten and raped during the slave trade. I needed you to stand by my side when I stood for what was right in Jim Crow South. I needed to by my side to pray for our sons to return home from a government’s self-imposed war. And my goodness, I needed you all the more as we started this Civil Rights Movement in Selma and as far as Johannesburg.

Seriously, I’m just tired and frustrated. My frustration has led me to take on both roles, Blackman. I’m being mommy and daddy. My title has changed from lovely wife to baby’s momma. That’s not how it’s supposed to be, Blackman. I’m raising your sons and daughters without you. I miscommunicating the message to my daughters that we don’t need you in our lives. “Don’t let these men walk all over you. Stand your ground,” I say. Leave you and the trifling Blackman aside. Yet, if there were no me, Blackwoman, there would be no you, Blackman. I need you to get it together. Pull yourselves up from the bootstraps and be the men God created ya’ll to be.

I’ve noticed so many elements in life have stripped you of your being. Your natural role is to lead, whether you want to accept that fact or not. I never wanted to be a contributing factor in disrespecting or hating you, Blackman. The fact of it is that I need you. I want you. And I just don’t want another good lay. No, I don’t want you just to sex me. I want you to love me. Do you understand the difference? Maybe not or maybe so. Too many of your clues on how to love a Blackwoman has come from the twisted, money-obsessed media. That’s not how you love me. Learn how to be with me. Learn to communicate with me. Tell you that you still care, like that old S.O.S. Band song used to say.

Our future as a race depends on our love, protection and respect for one another. For any pain I may have caused you, Blackman, I’m sorry. I lashed out to hurt the one who reflected the beautiful male version of my inner self. And I know you would apologize too, Blackman to me. I just know, deep down in your soul, you love me. You need me more than you realize.

And I’ll be here. Praying to God you will take your place beside me. And help raise the next generation of greatness.

I need you, Blackman. More than you’re ever know……

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Hello Blackwoman,

It’s been a long time since I’ve spoken to you woman to man.

No B.S. No Bluster. No Strum und Drang. Just two people sharing thoughts and ideas.

You remember the days don’t you? Those happy times back in the day we had a love for you. It was a good love. It was a love that said that we had to have each other’s backs because the world was against us.

Either marching with Martin or using Necessary Means with Malcolm, we didn’t care. We told the world frequently and often that “You were All I Needed To Get By”, that “Ain’t No Mountain was High Enough” or love was “Solid” We loved each other, wanted each other, cared for each other.

Through thick and thin, through lynchings and cross burnings, through fire hoses and dogs … we had each other.

Unfortunately, things changed. I’m not sure when but suddenly it wasn’t fashionable for Blackmen to love you as much as they did before. No more did we praise you in music and word and quite frequently we failed to acknowledge your presence as the backbone of the Black Experience.

So because Blackmen hurt you by our words and actions, we became less of a desirable option for you to be with, to support and to honor.

No one should put blame on the other. We were both at fault … and the chasm grew wider. So times passed and our kids didn’t have the same love for each other.

Supahead was more than just a word to some people, she was an industry to herself. R. Kelly was using Blackgirls as his own urinal, all the while singing about the “Bump and Grind.”

So the anger boiled over and now simple hellos from Blackwomen and Blackmen are now met with skepticism from the other party.

Now when we were talking about each other like it was cold and disrespectful. We described each other in way different term:

“Nigga’s Ain’t Shit.”
“Bitches Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks.”

We don’t talk to each other Blackwoman. I’ve had a hand in that personally in some instances and for that I need to apologize.

However we both know that we can’t continue doing this to each other. Because for all the screaming we are doing at each other:

“The Attitude … That’s why I don’t date sistas!”
“White Men know how to treat a Black Woman!”

It doesn’t solve the problem, it doesn’t give the answer and all we get is white noise.

I still love you Blackwoman and deep down I know that you love me too. I know that this is only a temporary blip on the radar. Soon the Blackman is going to get his shit to together in a way that it was before Malcolm, Martin and Medella.

We have too … we got too. Because we have kids out there who think its okay to say “I Need A Soulja,” “Project Bitch” “Hood Boy” or “Bad Bitch.”

These are not labels that should be for the future mothers and fathers of our children.

Because if we don’t there won’t be any of US any more.

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Hello Sweetie,

I’m sorry it took me so long to write to you. I’ve been busy searching for your mom and trying to school your brother on the ways of life. I wanted to make sure that he was straight before I got to you. It wasn’t because I loved you any less but rather because I loved you just as more.

I know you are scratching your head wondering about this but give me a chance to explain.

You see there are many Men out there who ain’t like your brother and your daddy. They have made their bones about treating Women with less than the respect they are deserve to be treated. They make babies with Women they do not want to make families with, they use Women as sexual objects and even “lay hands” on those they have supposedly love.

You’ve heard the stories. These types of guys get better ink in the press and video play on the news. They have better press agents than good men and seemingly their man objective is to selfishly prove that women ain’t shit.

Yes I cursed but that’s because I’m using the language to make a point. In the future people will use much stronger words towards you: They’ll call you bitch, whore or if they are really feeling froggy they’ll call you a cunt.

Harsh words, yes. But I want you to know one thing: You are not those words. I’ll say it again so it sticks: YOU ARE NOT THOSE WORDS.

You are a strong, intelligent and beautiful Black Woman and no one can tell you how you should feel about yourself.

You create your own destiny with your actions and hopefully if I have done my job correctly you will be a strong example to both Men and Women on how to carry yourself.

Being that example it will require you to wear a heavy crown. Some Men will look to you as being stuck up and some Women will look at you as thinking that you are better than they are.

Sweetie, having choices in this world doesn’t mean that you are looking down on others or treating people like dirt. It means that you are being selective and in selecting the best possible person you will enhance your life not devalue your it.

You deserve to be with a good Man. There are those type of Men out there no matter what the media, bloggers or angry Black Women tell you different. There are Men who want to love you and treat you like Malcolm treated Betty or like Medgar loved Myrtle. They want to adore you like Martin adored Correta.

There are Men out there who want to make you the central point of their lives. If I have done my job you’ll be able to recognize the difference between those who do and those who don’t.

Now hopefully this will bring you to attention of different types of men. I can’t stop what you like and hopefully some Good Man would make themselves available to you. However, if you meet a man who treats you just as good or better than I or your brother had and the only thing different is that he’s white, yellow, or pokadot you take that chance and grab that brass ring.

Because you are the most important person in any relationship you might have. No man: friend, boyfriend, husband hell even your brother or me should treat you less than the Queen that you are. If they don’t you … don’t have to stay in that relationship.

Some Men will try to say anything to get you to go against your values. Hell when I was younger I did that myself. They will tell you they love you, that they can’t live without you or that you are the only one for them. What you need to do is use your head, think about the ramifications of any actions.

You are your own person and I’ll always love you. This is why I have written this letter to you. There are many dangers out there but I wanted you to be aware of them.

Hopefully, if I’ve done my job right both your brother and I will have nothing to worry about.

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Hello son,

It’s been a long time since we’ve had a sit down. I know that you’ve been busy with just starting school, doing your chores and just being an overall great kid but I think we need to rap a little.

First I want you to know that I love you. Yes, I know that your friends don’t think that its cool that your old man has been gushing on you at every opportunity, but just because you’re a man doesn’t men you can’t show affection. So I’m going to show you that at every opportunity because every son should know how his father feels about them … because growing up I really didn’t get that opportunity.

Now that we got that out the way let me tell you why I called your hear today. You see I know what you are feeling and I know what you are thinking. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m no psychic but the reason why I know what’s going on in your head is because I’ve been your age.

You’re thinking about sex.

How do I know this? Because I’ve been your age as I’ve said before. And having lived that age I have experience.

I have the experience of being that awkward kid sitting the back of the class fighting the urges while looking at that hottie in the tight white sweater. I have the experience of waking up in the middle of the night in horror after my first nocturnal emission. I have the experience of having soldier rise to attention just when the teacher calls to ask you to the board up front.

So believe me when I tell you that I know what you are going through. I know enough to ask you to do something that I know must be hard for you.

Wait.

I know that word will go in one ear and out the other, but hear me out. I’m not asking you this as a parent who doesn’t want you to experience this thing. No, my asking you to wait is because I want you to be able to experience everything that come with the decision.

You see your dad was only 19 when he lost his and after all these years he still is confused and confounded by the world of sex.

There’s all the different positions.
There’s all those different type of terms.
There’s all those different types of sex.
There’s all those different diseases.

But most of all there is all the emotions that come with it. Emotions that would take someone with a PhD in psychology to master.

You think that crush on Susie Rickenbacker is difficult to get a hold on now, add sex to the mix and watch you go crazy. I’ve seen folk do some insane things for pussy and you have to know its like crack.

Yes your dad fell under the same spell too but thankfully your momma was all that I needed.

This is going to be one of many talks I plan on having with you about sex because I wouldn’t bee that much of a father if I didn’t.

So for the moment … just wait, be a kid for a while before opening that door. The right girl is going to understand.

And you’ll feel much better for it.

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